Part 3 Chapter 3

MARY PAVLOVNA.

In spite of the hard conditions in which they were placed, life among the political prisoners seemed very good to Katusha after the depraved, luxurious and effeminate life she had led in town for the last six years, and after two months' imprisonment with criminal prisoners. The fifteen to twenty miles they did per day, with one day's rest after two days' marching, strengthened her physically, and the fellowship with her new companions opened out to her a life full of interests such as she had never dreamed of. People so wonderful (as she expressed it) as those whom she was now going with she had not only never met but could not even have imagined.

"There now, and I cried when I was sentenced," she said. "Why, I must thank God for it all the days of my life. I have learned to know what I never should have found out else."

The motives she understood easily and without effort that guided these people, and, being of the people, fully sympathised with them. She understood that these persons were for the people and against the upper classes, and though themselves belonging to the upper classes had sacrificed their privileges, their liberty and their lives for the people. This especially made her value and admire them. She was charmed with all the new companions, but particularly with Mary Pavlovna, and she was not only charmed with her, but loved her with a peculiar, respectful and rapturous love. She was struck by the fact that this beautiful girl, the daughter of a rich general, who could speak three languages, gave away all that her rich brother sent her, and lived like the simplest working girl, and dressed not only simply, but poorly, paying no heed to her appearance. This trait and a complete absence of coquetry was particularly surprising and therefore attractive to Maslova. Maslova could see that Mary Pavlovna knew, and was even pleased to know, that she was handsome, and yet the effect her appearance had on men was not at all pleasing to her; she was even afraid of it, and felt an absolute disgust to all love affairs. Her men companions knew it, and if they felt attracted by her never permitted themselves to show it to her, but treated her as they would a man; but with strangers, who often molested her, the great physical strength on which she prided herself stood her in good stead.

"It happened once," she said to Katusha, "that a man followed me in the street and would not leave me on any account. At last I gave him such a shaking that he was frightened and ran away."

She became a revolutionary, as she said, because she felt a dislike to the life of the well-to-do from childhood up, and loved the life of the common people, and she was always being scolded for spending her time in the servants' hall, in the kitchen or the stables instead of the drawing-room.

"And I found it amusing to be with cooks and the coachmen, and dull with our gentlemen and ladies," she said. "Then when I came to understand things I saw that our life was altogether wrong; I had no mother and I did not care for my father, and so when I was nineteen I left home, and went with a girl friend to work as a factory hand."

After she left the factory she lived in the country, then returned to town and lived in a lodging, where they had a secret printing press. There she was arrested and sentenced to hard labour. Mary Pavlovna said nothing about it herself, but Katusha heard from others that Mary Pavlovna was sentenced because, when the lodging was searched by the police and one of the revolutionists fired a shot in the dark, she pleaded guilty.

As soon as she had learned to know Mary Pavlovna, Katusha noticed that, whatever the conditions she found herself in, Mary Pavlovna never thought of herself, but was always anxious to serve, to help some one, in matters small or great. One of her present companions, Novodvoroff, said of her that she devoted herself to philanthropic amusements. And this was true. The interest of her whole life lay in the search for opportunities of serving others. This kind of amusement had become the habit, the business of her life. And she did it all so naturally that those who knew her no longer valued but simply expected it of her.

When Maslova first came among them, Mary Pavlovna felt repulsed and disgusted. Katusha noticed this, but she also noticed that, having made an effort to overcome these feelings, Mary Pavlovna became particularly tender and kind to her. The tenderness and kindness of so uncommon a being touched Maslova so much that she gave her whole heart, and unconsciously accepting her views, could not help imitating her in everything.

This devoted love of Katusha touched Mary Pavlovna in her turn, and she learned to love Katusha.

These women were also united by the repulsion they both felt to sexual love. The one loathed that kind of love, having experienced all its horrors, the other, never having experienced it, looked on it as something incomprehensible and at the same time as something repugnant and offensive to human dignity.

玛丝洛娃在城里过了六年奢侈放一荡的生活，又在监狱里同刑事犯一起度过两个月，如今同政治犯待在一起，尽管处境艰苦，她却觉得心情舒畅。每天步行二三十俄里，伙食很好，走两天休息一天。这样，她的身一体便逐渐强壮起来。再有，结一交一一批新朋友，使她发现了以前一无所知的生活乐趣。她认为目前同她一起赶路的人都好得出奇，不仅以前从没见过，简直无法想象。

“是啊，判刑的时候，我哭了，”玛丝洛娃说。“但我要永远感谢上帝。如今我懂了好多事，那在以前是一辈子都不会懂得的。”

玛丝洛娃毫不费力就懂得了这些人从事革命活动的动机。她出身平民，对他们自然很同情。她明白，这些人站在老百姓一边，反对老爷太太们；这些人原来也是老爷太太，但他们为了老百姓的利益，不惜牺牲特权、自一由和生命。这就使她格外敬重他们，钦佩他们。

她钦佩所有的新朋友，但最钦佩谢基尼娜。她不仅钦佩她，而且怀着特殊的敬意热一爱一她。她感到惊讶的是，这个富裕将军家庭出身的美丽姑一娘一，能讲三种外语，却过着最普通的工人生活，把有钱的哥哥寄给她的东西全都分赠给人家，自己穿戴得不仅很朴素，甚至可以说很粗陋，而且对自己的外表毫不在意。谢基尼娜从不卖弄风情，这使玛丝洛娃感到特别惊奇，因此对她格外钦佩。玛丝洛娃看到谢基尼娜知道自己长得美，并因此感到高兴，但她不仅不因男人欣赏她的美貌而快乐，并且有点恐惧，她对谈情说一爱一甚至觉得嫌恶和害怕。凡是知道她脾气的男人，即使一爱一慕她，也不敢有所表示，而总是象对待男朋友那样对待她。那些不熟悉她的男人，往往对她纠缠不清，但据她自己说，全靠她力气大才把他们摆脱掉，而她也就以力气大自豪。她笑着讲道：“有一次，有个老爷在街上缠住我不放，我就抓住他使劲摇晃了几下，把他吓得拔脚就跑。”

她之所以成为革命家，据她自己说，是因为从小就厌恶贵族生活，而喜欢平民生活。那时她常常挨骂，因为喜欢待在女仆室、厨房和马房里，却不愿待在客厅里。

“我跟厨一娘一和车夫在一起，总是很快活，可是跟我们那些老爷太太在一起却觉得无聊，”谢基尼娜讲道。“后来我懂事了，看出我们的生活真是糟透了。我没有母亲，我不喜欢父亲。十九岁那年我就离开家，跟一个女朋友一起到厂里做工。”

谢基尼娜离开工厂就住到乡下去。后来又回到城里，住在一处设有秘密印刷所的房子里，终于被捕，判处苦役。这些事她自己从没讲过，但玛丝洛娃从别人嘴里知道，她被判苦役，是因为那所房子被搜查时，有个革命者在黑暗中开了一槍，她却把开槍的罪名揽到自己头上。

玛丝洛娃自从认识她以来就看出，不论在什么地方，不论在什么情况下，谢基尼娜从来不顾自己，遇到大小事情，总是只考虑怎样帮助别人，为别人出力。她现在的同志中有个叫诺伏德伏罗夫的，讲到她时总是戏称她为慈善迷。这话确实不错。她生活的全部乐趣就在于找寻机会为别人出力，象猎人找寻猎物一样。这种一爱一好已成为一习一惯，成为她的终身事业。她做起来十分自然，以致凡是知道她的人都不客气地要她帮助，并且认为不值得一提。

玛丝洛娃刚加入政治犯的队伍时，谢基尼娜有点嫌恶她。玛丝洛娃注意到这一点，但后来又发现谢基尼娜竭力克制自己的感情，待她特别和蔼可亲。这样一位不平凡的人物竟如此和蔼可亲，这使玛丝洛娃深为感动，她就把整颗心都一交一给她，并且不知不觉接受她的观点，情不自禁地处处模仿她。玛丝洛娃的一片赤忱感动了谢基尼娜，她也就真心喜欢玛丝洛娃了。

这两个女人特别投机，还因为她们对一性一爱一都十分嫌恶。一个憎恨这种感情，因为在这方面尝够了痛苦；另一个虽没有这方面的体验，但认为这是一种辱没人格而难以理解的可憎的事。