Chapter 39

I WAS three-and-twenty years of age. Not another word had I heard to enlighten me on the subject of my expectations, and my twenty-third birthday was a week gone. We had left Barnard's Inn more than a year, and lived in the Temple. Our chambers were in Garden-court, down by the river.
Mr Pocket and I had for some time parted company as to our original relations, though we continued on the best terms Notwithstanding my inability to settle to anything - which I hope arose out of the restless and incomplete tenure on which I held my means - I had a taste for reading, and read regularly so many hours a day. That matter of Herbert's was still progressing, and everything with me was as I have brought it down to the close of the last preceding chapter.

Business had taken Herbert on a journey to Marseilles. I was alone, and had a dull sense of being alone. Dispirited and anxious, long hoping that to-morrow or next week would clear my way, and long disappointed, I sadly missed the cheerful face and ready response of my friend.

It was wretched weather; stormy and wet, stormy and wet; and mud, mud, mud, deep in all the streets. Day after day, a vast heavy veil had been driving over London from the East, and it drove still, as if in the East there were an Eternity of cloud and wind. So furious had been the gusts, that high buildings in town had had the lead stripped off their roofs; and in the country, trees had been torn up, and sails of windmills carried away; and gloomy accounts had come in from the coast, of shipwreck and death. Violent blasts of rain had accompanied these rages of wind, and the day just closed as I sat down to read had been the worst of all.

Alterations have been made in that part of the Temple since that time, and it has not now so lonely a character as it had then, nor is it so exposed to the river. We lived at the top of the last house, and the wind rushing up the river shook the house that night, like discharges of cannon, or breakings of a sea. When the rain came with it and dashed against the windows, I thought, raising my eyes to them as they rocked, that I might have fancied myself in a storm-beaten light-house. Occasionally, the smoke came rolling down the chimney as though it could not bear to go out into such a night; and when I set the doors open and looked down the staircase, the staircase lamps were blown out; and when I shaded my face with my hands and looked through the black windows (opening them ever so little, was out of the question in the teeth of such wind and rain) I saw that the lamps in the court were blown out, and that the lamps on the bridges and the shore were shuddering, and that the coal fires in barges on the river were being carried away before the wind like red-hot splashes in the rain.

I read with my watch upon the table, purposing to close my book at eleven o'clock. As I shut it, Saint Paul's, and all the many church-clocks in the City - some leading, some accompanying, some following - struck that hour. The sound was curiously flawed by the wind; and I was listening, and thinking how the wind assailed and tore it, when I heard a footstep on the stair.

What nervous folly made me start, and awfully connect it with the footstep of my dead sister, matters not. It was past in a moment, and I listened again, and heard the footstep stumble in coming on. Remembering then, that the staircase-lights were blown out, I took up my reading-lamp and went out to the stair-head. Whoever was below had stopped on seeing my lamp, for all was quiet.

`There is some one down there, is there not?' I called out, looking down.

`Yes,' said a voice from the darkness beneath.

`What floor do you want?'

`The top. Mr Pip.'

`That is my name. - There is nothing the matter?'

`Nothing the matter,' returned the voice. And the man came on.

I stood with my lamp held out over the stair-rail, and he came slowly within its light. It was a shaded lamp, to shine upon a book, and its circle of light was very contracted; so that he was in it for a mere instant, and then out of it. In the instant, I had seen a face that was strange to me, looking up with an incomprehensible air of being touched and pleased by the sight of me.

Moving the lamp as the man moved, I made out that he was substantially dressed, but roughly; like a voyager by sea. That he had long iron-grey hair. That his age was about sixty. That he was a muscular man, strong on his legs, and that he was browned and hardened by exposure to weather. As he ascended the last stair or two, and the light of my lamp included us both, I saw, with a stupid kind of amazement, that he was holding out both his hands to me.

`Pray what is your business?' I asked him.

`My business?' he repeated, pausing. `Ah! Yes. I will explain my business, by your leave.'

`Do you wish to come in?'

`Yes,' he replied; `I wish to come in, Master.'

I had asked him the question inhospitably enough, for I resented the sort of bright and gratified recognition that still shone in his face. I resented it, because it seemed to imply that he expected me to respond to it. But, I took him into the room I had just left, and, having set the lamp on the table, asked him as civilly as I could, to explain himself.

He looked about him with the strangest air - an air of wondering pleasure, as if he had some part in the things he admired - and he pulled off a rough outer coat, and his hat. Then, I saw that his head was furrowed and bald, and that the long iron-grey hair grew only on its sides. But, I saw nothing that in the least explained him. On the contrary, I saw him next moment, once more holding out both his hands to me.

`What do you mean?' said I, half suspecting him to be mad.

He stopped in his looking at me, and slowly rubbed his right hand over his head. `It's disapinting to a man,' he said, in a coarse broken voice, `arter having looked for'ard so distant, and come so fur; but you're not to blame for that - neither on us is to blame for that. I'll speak in half a minute. Give me half a minute, please.'

He sat down on a chair that stood before the fire, and covered his forehead with his large brown veinous hands. I looked at him attentively then, and recoiled a little from him; but I did not know him.

`There's no one nigh,' said he, looking over his shoulder; `is there?'

`Why do you, a stranger coming into my rooms at this time of the night, ask that question?' said I.

`You're a game one,' he returned, shaking his head at me with a deliberate affection, at once most unintelligible and most exasperating; `I'm glad you've grow'd up, a game one! But don't catch hold of me. You'd be sorry arterwards to have done it.'

I relinquished the intention he had detected, for I knew him!Even yet, I could not recall a single feature, but I knew him! If the wind and the rain had driven away the intervening years, had scattered all the intervening objects, had swept us to the churchyard where we first stood face to face on such different levels, I could not have known my convict more distinctly than I knew him now as he sat in the chair before the fire. No need to take a file from his pocket and show it to me; no need to take the handkerchief from his neck and twist it round his head; no need to hug himself with both his arms, and take a shivering turn across the room, looking back at me for recognition. I knew him before he gave me one of those aids, though, a moment before, I had not been conscious of remotely suspecting his identity.

He came back to where I stood, and again held out both his hands. Not knowing what to do - for, in my astonishment I had lost my self-possession - I reluctantly gave him my hands. He grasped them heartily, raised them to his lips, kissed them, and still held them.

`You acted noble, my boy,' said he. `Noble, Pip! And I have never forgot it!'

At a change in his manner as if he were even going to embrace me, I laid a hand upon his breast and put him away.

`Stay!' said I. `Keep off! If you are grateful to me for what I did when I was a little child, I hope you have shown your gratitude by mending your way of life. If you have come here to thank me, it was not necessary. Still, however you have found me out, there must be something good in the feeling that has brought you here, and I will not repulse you; but surely you must understand that - I--'

My attention was so attracted by the singularity of his fixed look at me, that the words died away on my tongue.

`You was a saying,' he observed, when we had confronted one another in silence, `that surely I must understand. What, surely must I understand?'

`That I cannot wish to renew that chance intercourse with you of long ago, under these different circumstances. I am glad to believe you have repented and recovered yourself. I am glad to tell you so. I am glad that, thinking I deserve to be thanked, you have come to thank me. But our ways are different ways, none the less. You are wet, and you look weary. Will you drink something before you go?'

He had replaced his neckerchief loosely, and had stood, keenly observant of me, biting a long end of it. `I think,' he answered, still with the end at his mouth and still observant of me, `that I will drink (I thank you) afore I go.'

There was a tray ready on a side-table. I brought it to the table near the fire, and asked him what he would have? He touched one of the bottles without looking at it or speaking, and I made him some hot rum-and-water. I tried to keep my hand steady while I did so, but his look at me as he leaned back in his chair with the long draggled end of his neckerchief between his teeth - evidently forgotten - made my hand very difficult to master. When at last I put the glass to him, I saw with amazement that his eyes were full of tears.

Up to this time I had remained standing, not to disguise that I wished him gone. But I was softened by the softened aspect of the man, and felt a touch of reproach. `I hope,' said I, hurriedly putting something into a glass for myself, and drawing a chair to the table, `that you will not think I spoke harshly to you just now. I had no intention of doing it, and I am sorry for it if I did. I wish you well, and happy!'

As I put my glass to my lips, he glanced with surprise at the end of his neckerchief, dropping from his mouth when he opened it, and stretched out his hand. I gave him mine, and then he drank, and drew his sleeve across his eyes and forehead.

`How are you living?' I asked him.

`I've been a sheep-farmer, stock-breeder, other trades besides, away in the new world,' said he: `many a thousand mile of stormy water off from this.'

`I hope you have done well?'

`I've done wonderfully well. There's others went out alonger me as has done well too, but no man has done nigh as well as me. I'm famous for it.'

`I am glad to hear it.'

`I hope to hear you say so, my dear boy.'

Without stopping to try to understand those words or the tone in which they were spoken, I turned off to a point that had just come into my mind.

`Have you ever seen a messenger you once sent to me,' I inquired, `since he undertook that trust?'

`Never set eyes upon him. I warn't likely to it.'

`He came faithfully, and he brought me the two one-pound notes. I was a poor boy then, as you know, and to a poor boy they were a little fortune. But, like you, I have done well since, and you must let me pay them back. You can put them to some other poor boy's use.' I took out my purse.

He watched me as I laid my purse upon the table and opened it, and he watched me as I separated two one-pound notes from its contents. They were clean and new, and I spread them out and handed them over to him. Still watching me, he laid them one upon the other, folded them long-wise, gave them a twist, set fire to them at the lamp, and dropped the ashes into the tray.

`May I make so bold,' he said then, with a smile that was like a frown, and with a frown that was like a smile, `as ask you how you have done well, since you and me was out on them lone shivering marshes?'

`How?'

`Ah!'

He emptied his glass, got up, and stood at the side of the fire, with his heavy brown hand on the mantelshelf. He put a foot up to the bars, to dry and warm it, and the wet boot began to steam; but, he neither looked at it, nor at the fire, but steadily looked at me. It was only now that I began to tremble.

When my lips had parted, and had shaped some words that were without sound, I forced myself to tell him (though I could not do it distinctly), that I had been chosen to succeed to some property.

`Might a mere warmint ask what property?' said he.

I faltered, `I don't know.'

`Might a mere warmint ask whose property?' said he.

I faltered again, `I don't know.'

`Could I make a guess, I wonder,' said the Convict, `at your income since you come of age! As to the first figure now. Five?'

With my heart beating like a heavy hammer of disordered action, I rose out of my chair, and stood with my hand upon the back of it, looking wildly at him.

`Concerning a guardian,' he went on. `There ought to have been some guardian, or such-like, whiles you was a minor. Some lawyer, maybe. As to the first letter of that lawyer's name now. Would it be J?'

All the truth of my position came flashing on me; and its disappointments, dangers, disgraces, consequences of all kinds, rushed in in such a multitude that I was borne down by them and had to struggle for every breath I drew.

`Put it,' he resumed, `as the employer of that lawyer whose name begun with a J, and might be Jaggers - put it as he had come over sea to Portsmouth, and had landed there, and had wanted to come on to you. "However, you have found me out," you says just now. Well! However, did I find you out? Why, I wrote from Portsmouth to a person in London, for particulars of your address. That person's name? Why, Wemmick.'

I could not have spoken one word, though it had been to save my life. I stood, with a hand on the chair-back and a hand on my breast, where I seemed to be suffocating - I stood so, looking wildly at him, until I grasped at the chair, when the room began to surge and turn. He caught me, drew me to the sofa, put me up against the cushions, and bent on one knee before me: bringing the face that I now well remembered, and that I shuddered at, very near to mine.

`Yes, Pip, dear boy, I've made a gentleman on you! It's me wot has done it! I swore that time, sure as ever I earned a guinea, that guinea should go to you. I swore arterwards, sure as ever I spec'lated and got rich, you should get rich. I lived rough, that you should live smooth; I worked hard, that you should be above work. What odds, dear boy? Do I tell it, fur you to feel a obligation? Not a bit. I tell it, fur you to know as that there hunted dunghill dog wot you kep life in, got his head so high that he could make a gentleman - and, Pip, you're him!'

The abhorrence in which I held the man, the dread I had of him, the repugnance with which I shrank from him, could not have been exceeded if he had been some terrible beast.

`Look'ee here, Pip. I'm your second father. You're my son - more to me nor any son. I've put away money, only for you to spend. When I was a hired-out shepherd in a solitary hut, not seeing no faces but faces of sheep till I half forgot wot men's and women's faces wos like, I see yourn. I drops my knife many a time in that hut when I was a eating my dinner or my supper, and I says, "Here's the boy again, a looking at me whiles I eats and drinks!" I see you there a many times, as plain as ever I see you on them misty marshes. "Lord strike me dead!" I says each time - and I goes out in the air to say it under the open heavens - "but wot, if I gets liberty and money, I'll make that boy a gentleman!" And I done it. Why, look at you, dear boy! Look at these here lodgings o'yourn, fit for a lord! A lord? Ah! You shall show money with lords for wagers, and beat' em!'

In his heat and triumph, and in his knowledge that I had been nearly fainting, he did not remark on my reception of all this. It was the one grain of relief I had.

`Look'ee here!' he went on, taking my watch out of my pocket, and turning towards him a ring on my finger, while I recoiled from his touch as if he had been a snake, `a gold 'un and a beauty: that's a gentleman's, I hope! A diamond all set round with rubies; that's a gentleman's, I hope! Look at your linen; fine and beautiful! Look at your clothes; better ain't to be got! And your books too,' turning his eyes round the room, `mounting up, on their shelves, by hundreds! And you read 'em; don't you? I see you'd been a reading of 'em when I come in. Ha, ha, ha! You shall read 'em to me, dear boy! And if they're in foreign languages wot I don't understand, I shall be just as proud as if I did.'

Again he took both my hands and put them to his lips, while my blood ran cold within me.

`Don't you mind talking, Pip,' said he, after again drawing his sleeve over his eyes and forehead, as the click came in his throat which I well remembered - and he was all the more horrible to me that he was so much in earnest; `you can't do better nor keep quiet, dear boy. You ain't looked slowly forward to this as I have; you wosn't prepared for this, as I wos. But didn't you never think it might be me?'

`O no, no, no,' I returned, `Never, never!'

`Well, you see it wos me, and single-handed. Never a soul in it but my own self and Mr Jaggers.'

`Was there no one else?' I asked.

`No,' said he, with a glance of surprise: `who else should there be? And, dear boy, how good looking you have growed! There's bright eyes somewheres - eh? Isn't there bright eyes somewheres, wot you love the thoughts on?'

O Estella, Estella!

`They shall be yourn, dear boy, if money can buy 'em. Not that a gentleman like you, so well set up as you, can't win 'em off of his own game; but money shall back you! Let me finish wot I was a telling you, dear boy. From that there hut and that there hiringout, I got money left me by my master (which died, and had been the same as me), and got my liberty and went for myself. In every single thing I went for, I went for you. "Lord strike a blight upon it," I says, wotever it was I went for, "if it ain't for him!" It all prospered wonderful. As I giv' you to understand just now, I'm famous for it. It was the money left me, and the gains of the first few year wot I sent home to Mr Jaggers - all for you - when he first come arter you, agreeable to my letter.'

O, that he had never come! That he had left me at the forge - far from contented, yet, by comparison happy!

`And then, dear boy, it was a recompense to me, look'ee here, to know in secret that I was making a gentleman. The blood horses of them colonists might fling up the dust over me as I was walking; what do I say? I says to myself, "I'm making a better gentleman nor ever you'll be!" When one of 'em says to another, "He was a convict, a few year ago, and is a ignorant common fellow now, for all he's lucky," what do I say? I says to myself, "If I ain't a gentleman, nor yet ain't got no learning, I'm the owner of such. All on you owns stock and land; which on you owns a brought-up London gentleman?" This was I kep myself a going. And this way I held steady afore my mind that I would for certain come one day and see my boy, and make myself known to him, on his own ground.'

He laid his hand on my shoulder. I shuddered at the thought that for anything I knew, his hand might be stained with blood.

`It warn't easy, Pip, for me to leave them parts, nor yet it warn't safe. But I held to it, and the harder it was, the stronger I held, for I was determined, and my mind firm made up. At last I done it. Dear boy, I done it!'

I tried to collect my thoughts, but I was stunned. Throughout, I had seemed to myself to attend more to the wind and the rain than to him; even now, I could not separate his voice from those voices, though those were loud and his was silent.

`Where will you put me?' he asked, presently. `I must be put somewheres, dear boy.'

`To sleep?' said I.

`Yes. And to sleep long and sound,' he answered; `for I've been sea-tossed and sea-washed, months and months.'

`My friend and companion,' said I, rising from the sofa, `is absent; you must have his room.'

`He won't come back to-morrow; will he?'

`No,' said I, answering almost mechanically, in spite of my utmost efforts; `not to-morrow.'

`Because, look'ee here, dear boy,' he said, dropping his voice, and laying a long finger on my breast in an impressive manner, `caution is necessary.'

`How do you mean? Caution?'

`By G - , it's Death!'

`What's death?'

`I was sent for life. It's death to come back. There's been overmuch coming back of late years, and I should of a certainty be hanged if took.'

Nothing was needed but this; the wretched man, after loading wretched me with his gold and silver chains for years, had risked his life to come to me, and I held it there in my keeping! If I had loved him instead of abhorring him; if I had been attracted to him by the strongest admiration and affection, instead of shrinking from him with the strongest repugnance; it could have been no worse. On the contrary, it would have been better, for his preservation would then have naturally and tenderly addressed my heart.

My first care was to close the shutters, so that no light might be seen from without, and then to close and make fast the doors. While I did so, he stood at the table drinking rum and eating biscuit; and when I saw him thus engaged, I saw my convict on the marshes at his meal again. It almost seemed to me as if he must stoop down presently, to file at his leg.

When I had gone into Herbert's room, and had shut off any other communication between it and the staircase than through the room in which our conversation had been held, I asked him if he would go to bed? He said yes, but asked me for some of my `gentleman's linen' to put on in the morning. I brought it out, and laid it ready for him, and my blood again ran cold when he again took me by both hands to give me good night.

I got away from him, without knowing how I did it, and mended the fire in the room where we had been together, and sat down by it, afraid to go to bed. For an hour or more, I remained too stunned to think; and it was not until I began to think, that I began fully to know how wrecked I was, and how the ship in which I had sailed was gone to pieces.

Miss Havisham's intentions towards me, all a mere dream; Estella not designed for me; I only suffered in Satis House as a convenience, a sting for the greedy relations, a model with a mechanical heart to practise on when no other practice was at hand; those were the first smarts I had. But, sharpest and deepest pain of all - it was for the convict, guilty of I knew not what crimes, and liable to be taken out of those rooms where I sat thinking, and hanged at the Old Bailey door, that I had deserted Joe.

I would not have gone back to Joe now, I would not have gone back to Biddy now, for any consideration: simply, I suppose, because my sense of my own worthless conduct to them was greater than every consideration. No wisdom on earth could have given me the comfort that I should have derived from their simplicity and fidelity; but I could never, never, undo what I had done.

In every rage of wind and rush of rain, I heard pursuers. Twice, I could have sworn there was a knocking and whispering at the outer door. With these fears upon me, I began either to imagine or recall that I had had mysterious warnings of this man's approach. That, for weeks gone by, I had passed faces in the streets which I had thought like his. That, these likenesses had grown more numerous, as he, coming over the sea, had drawn nearer. That, his wicked spirit had somehow sent these messengers to mine, and that now on this stormy night he was as good as his word, and with me.

Crowding up with these reflections came the reflection that I had seen him with my childish eyes to be a desperately violent man; that I had heard that other convict reiterate that he had tried to murder him; that I had seen him down in the ditch tearing and fighting like a wild beast. Out of such remembrances I brought into the light of fire, a half-formed terror that it might not be safe to be shut up there with him in the dead of the wild solitary night. This dilated until it filled the room, and impelled me to take a candle and go in and look at my dreadful burden.

He had rolled a handkerchief round his head, and his face was set and lowering in his sleep. But he was asleep, and quietly too, though he had a pistol lying on the pillow. Assured of this, I softly removed the key to the outside of his door, and turned it on him before I again sat down by the fire. Gradually I slipped from the chair and lay on the floor. When I awoke, without having parted in my sleep with the perception of my wretchedness, the clocks of the Eastward churches were striking five, the candles were wasted out, the fire was dead, and the wind and rain intensified the thick black darkness.

THIS IS THE END OF THE SECOND STAGE OF PIP'S EXPECTATIONS.

 

现在我已经二十三岁了。二十三岁的生日已过去一个星期了，关于我远大前程的遗产问题仍然是一点消息也没有。我们这时搬出巴纳德旅馆也有一年多了，目前住在伦敦古朴典雅的寺区。我们的房子位于花园坊，临近泰晤士河边。

鄱凯特先生和我解除最初订立的师生关系已有一个时期了，不过我们之间仍然保持着良好交往。至于我，目前还没有能力独立处理事务，做些正事，主要是因为我的具体情况还不够明确造成的，我希望一切等安定后再说。但我却有读书的嗜好，每天都要花几个小时读书。关于赫伯特的那件事仍然在进行之中，而我自己的事在前一章的末尾部分已有交待。

由于商务缠身，赫伯特已远赴法国马赛。我这时独自一人，孤苦伶仃，颇感索然无趣。我一心想着明天，或者下周，我的一切都会明朗起来，长期的期望，长期的失望，于是心情颓丧，万般焦虑，有时回想起往日老朋友的欢愉面孔和快乐的交谈，不免自作伤感。

这时天气糟糕透顶，总是刮风下雨、刮风下雨；大街小巷全是泥泞不堪，难以行路。日复一日，伦敦上空总飘浮着从东边来的一层厚厚的乌云，久久不去，好像伦敦东边的天空暗藏着永恒的雨云、永恒的风云。风是那么地狂怒，伦敦一幢幢高楼的屋顶都被它无情地掀去；在伦敦近郊的乡下，一棵棵大树被它连根拔起，一条条风车的叶片被它卷得不知去向；一桩桩令人忧郁的翻船和死人事件不断从海边传来。倾盆的大雨和愤怒的狂风相约携手同行。这一天，正是风雨交加最厉害的一天，人夜时分，我坐在家里读书。

从那时以来，寺区一带的情况已有很大变化，目前已不再如那般显得凄凉，也不再可能有被河水淹没的危险了。然而，当时我们住在最临近河滨的一幢房屋顶层，那天夜晚狂风四处冲击，震动了整座房屋，就像被炮弹袭击或者被浪涛冲击一样。大雨开始劈劈啪啪地敲打着窗户时，我抬起双眼看到窗户在摇晃，觉得自己仿佛正坐在一座被狂风暴雨颠得东倒西歪的灯塔之中。有时，烟囱里的烟无法向黑夜的空中散去，反而又被挤回到烟囱里倒灌进来。我把门打开，向楼梯望去，那儿的灯已被风吹熄。我将双手放在额角上，遮去灯光，从漆黑的窗户向外望去（狂风暴雨的时刻，一点窗缝也不能打开），看到院子里的灯火也被风吹灭了，至于远处桥上的灯。河岸上的灯，也都被风吹得瑟瑟发抖，河上大平底船里的煤火也被一阵狂风吹起万道火星，就好像是一阵红热的雨点。

我把表放在桌上，打算看到十一点钟时合上书去睡觉。等我把书合上时，圣保罗大教堂以及伦敦城的所有教堂里的钟都一个接一个地敲响，有的领头，有的相伴，有的随后响起。在狂风之中，钟声发出奇怪的音响。我静静地听着，思考着风是如何打击着钟声，把钟声撕得破碎不堪。就这时，我听到楼梯上响起了脚步声。

脚步声使我紧张，愚蠢地吓了一跳，恐怖地想着这莫非是我已故姐姐的亡魂，不过这毕竟不值得一提。过了不一会儿，我重又凝神细听，又听到了正在走近的一些跌跌冲冲的脚步声。这时我才想到楼梯上的灯早被狂风吹熄，于是拿起台灯走出房门，来到楼梯口。来人一看到我的灯光一定在下面站住了，此时楼下一点声音也没有。

“楼梯下面有人吗？”我看着下面，大声问道。

“有人。”楼梯下的黑暗之中响起一个人的声音。

“你上哪一层楼？”

“上顶层。我找皮普先生。”

“你找的是我——没有出什么问题吧？”

“没有问题。”下面的声音答道，接着这个人向上走来。

我站在那里，把灯伸在楼梯栏杆之外，那人慢慢地走进灯光之中。这是一盏带罩的台灯，只是用来看书的，照射范围很有限。所以，那人被灯光照着，仅那么一会儿，就又走出了光圈范围。一瞬间，我看到了一张陌生的脸，好像一看到我就显得很高兴，那种仰视我的样子叫我不能理解。

他向前移动着，我也把灯向前移动着。灯光下，我辨别出他穿的衣服质地很好，不过穿得不太讲究，看上去像一位航海家。他头上生着铁灰色的长发，年纪在六十岁上下。他肌肉发达，双腿强壮，皮肤晒得发黑，是个久经风雨、见过世面的人物。他上了最高两级楼梯后，灯光把我们两人都照得很清楚。我看到他伸出两臂准备拥抱我，这使我莫名其妙，惊讶万分。

“请问你有什么事？”我问他。

“我有什么事？”他重复了我的话，停顿了一下，“噢！是的，请原谅，我会告诉你我有什么事。”

“你要到里面坐一下吗？”

“当然，”他答道，“少爷，我要到里面去坐一下。”

我问他这个问题够不讲情面的了，因为我发现他脸上显出好像早就认识我的那种幸福、喜悦的神情，心中就老大不高兴。我之所以不高兴，是因为他的表情暗含着我也该和他一样幸福和喜悦的意思。不过，我把他让进了房间，把台灯放回到原来的位置上，尽量客气地问起他的来意。

他带着惊奇的神情打量了四周的屋子，似乎还有种惊奇的喜悦，仿佛在他所赞叹的东西中有一部分是他的。这时，他脱下了那件不太讲究的外衣，取下了帽子。他的额角上露出深深的皱纹，头顶上是秃的，铁灰色的长发也只生在两边。不过，我一点也看不出他的来意。相反，不一会儿他又一次伸出他的双臂准备拥抱我。

“你这是什么意思？”我说道，心中怀疑他是个疯子。

他垂下了望着我的眼睛，又用右手缓慢地擦着他的头。“这真令人失望，”他用嘶哑、叹息的声音说道，“我盼望了那么久，远道来到这里；不过，这也不能怪你，当然，也不能怪我。我歇一会儿告诉你这是什么意思，对不起，让我歇一会儿。”

他坐在炉火前的一张椅子上，将他那一双大大的棕黑色暴出青筋的手放在前额上。我仔仔细细地瞧着他，不觉退缩了几步；不过，我仍然不认识他。

“这儿没有别人吗？”他回头望了一下，问道，“没有别人吗？”

“你为什么问我这个问题？我不认识你，你在这样的深夜来到这里，来到我的房间，而且还提出如此的问题？”

“你长得真神气，”他说着对我摇晃着头，那样子包含了深情厚谊，但同时又是那么不可理解，使我激怒异常：“我非常高兴看到你长大成人，看到你长得如此神气！可是你不要来逮我，那样做你以后会感到后悔的。”

他已经看出了我的想法，而我也认出了他，同时放弃了逮他的想法。虽然我已回忆不起来他的重要特征，但我认出了他！人世的风雨已经把这悠悠岁月冲洗干净，已经把艰难时世扫荡一空，即使如此，如果再回到童年时的教堂，我们面对面地站在那里，一个大人一个孩子，也不可能比我现在更能清楚地认出他来，这时他正坐在壁炉前的椅子上。不需要他从口袋中掏出那把锉刀来向我证明；不需要他从颈项上取下围巾再扎到头上去；不需要他再用两条手臂紧紧抱住自己的身体在房间中战抖着走来转去，再把头回过来看看我，为了让我认出他。一会儿之前我根本没有怀疑这会是他，而现在用不着他给我任何暗示，我一眼就认出了他。

他走回到我站立的地方，又把双臂伸给我。我不知道该做什么是好，因为这时我在惊慌当中失去了沉着，于是不情愿地把手也伸给他。他满心喜悦地抓住我的手，把我的手送往唇边，吻了吻我的手，却仍然抓住不放。

“我的孩子，你的所作所为是高贵的，”他说道，“高贵的皮普！我一直记着你的所作所为啊！”

这时他的神态一变，仿佛又要过来拥抱我，于是我用一只手抵着他的胸口，把他推开。

“不要这样！”我说道，“离远些！如果你因为我在孩子时为你做过些事要感谢我，我认为你只要改过自新，就表明了你的感谢。如果你来到这里是专门来感谢我，我看这是没有必要的。还有，你已经找到了我，你来到这里是出自你的善意情感，我不能拒你于门外。不过，你必须明白——我——”

他用一种非常奇特的目光盯住我，使我走了神，话到嘴边却说不出了。

我们无言地相互对望着，一会儿后他说：“你说我必须明白，不知我必须明白什么？”

“我现在不希望再和你来往，尽管我们过去有过来往，可是现在的情况已和从前不同。我很高兴，相信你已经改过自新重归正途。我也很高兴，今天能有机会向你表达我的想法。想到自己还值得一谢，我同样高兴你来到这里感谢我。但是，我们两人所走的毕竟是两条不同的道路。你现在身上淋湿了，看上去有倦意，是不是喝杯酒再走呢？”

他解开了脖子上的围巾，站在那里仔细地观察着我，嘴里咬着围巾梢儿。“我想，”他一面咬着围巾的末梢，观察着我，一面答道，“我就喝杯酒再走，谢谢你了。”

茶几上放着盛酒器的盘子，我把盘子搬到壁炉前的一张桌子上，问他要喝什么酒。他用手指着其中的一个酒瓶，既没有看它，又没有说话，于是我便调制了一杯热的兑水朗姆酒。我在调酒时尽量保持平稳，不让手颤抖，可是他靠在椅子上注视着我，围巾的末梢仍然拖在牙齿之间（显然他是忘记了），于是我这只调酒的手也就难以控制了。最后我把酒杯递给他时，看到他的双眼中溢出了热泪，这可使我吃惊不小。

我一直都是站在那里，这无疑是一种不客气的表示，希望他走。可是一看到他那个难过的样子，我也难过了起来，而且感到一种良心上的责备，所以我对他说：“我希望你对我刚才说的那些不客气的话不要见怪才好。”我匆匆地也给自己倒了一杯酒，又拖过一张椅子放在桌边。“我不是存心对你不客气，如果我的话使你难受，我请你原谅。我希望你健康，希望你幸福。”

我把酒杯端向唇边，他把嘴巴一张，那围巾的末梢从他口中掉了下来，他惊奇地看了围巾一眼，向我伸出了手。我把手伸向他，他这才边喝酒，边拉着衣袖擦他的眼睛和额角。

“你怎么生活的？”我问他。

“我放过羊，喂养过牲畜，也干过其他的行当，”他说道，“在很遥远的新世界，要飘洋过海，有几千里远呢。”

“我希望你生意兴隆。”

“我的生意相当兴隆。我们一起去的人中有些也干得挺好，不过没有一个人及得上我好。我好得是出了名的。”

“听你这么说我是太高兴了。”

“我亲爱的孩子，我就希望听到你这么说。”

我并没有考虑他这话的意思，也没有捉摸他说这话的语气，因为我这时心头忽然想到一个问题。

“你是不是曾派过一个人来见我；他给你办过差事以后，你还见过这个人吗？”

“再也没有看到过他，也不可能再见到他。”

“你派的那个人是很诚实的，他来了，带给我两张一镑的钞票。那时，我是一个穷孩子，你知道。两镑钞票对一个穷孩子来讲是一笔财产了。自那以后，我也像你一样，交了好运，现在该还你的钱了，你可以把它再给别的穷孩子。”说着我便掏出钱袋。

他那样注视着我把钱袋放在桌上打开，他那样注视着我从袋中取出两张一镑的钞票。这是两张干净、崭新的钞票，我把票子打开摊子递给了他。他还是那样注视着我，把两张票子叠在一起，对直一折，卷成一卷，放在灯火上点燃，烧成的灰飘落在盘子中。

“我想冒昧地问你一下，”他说时，脸上的微笑好像是紧锁双眉，紧锁的双眉却又像是在微笑，“自从我们在那片令人颤抖的荒凉沼泽地分手以后，你是怎么样交上好运的？”

“怎么交上好运的？”

“是啊！”

他举杯一饮而尽，然后站起身来，立在壁炉旁边，把那只棕色的大手放在壁炉架上，又伸出一只脚搁在炉栅上，既烘靴子，又取暖，他那只湿靴子开始冒出热气。这时他既没有看鞋子，也没有看壁炉，只是一个劲儿地望着我。这个时候我才真的开始发起抖来。

我张开双唇，话虽到嘴边，但没有说出来，后来在不得已的情况下才含含糊糊告诉他，“有人挑选我做继承人，以继承一些财产。’

“像我这样一个小毛毛虫可否请问一下是一些什么财产？’

“我不知道。”我踌躇不定地说。

“像我这样一个小毛毛虫可否请问一下是谁的财产？”他问道。

“我不知道。”我再次踌躇不定地说道。

“我能否斗胆猜一下你成年之后的年收入是多少？”这位逃犯说道，“你看，第一位数字是不是五？”

我的心就像失去控制的铁锤一样，怦怦地乱跳着，我从椅子上跳起来，把手放在椅背上，站在那儿，心神狂乱地看着他。

“和一个监护人有关，”他继续说道，“在你未成年时，应当有一个监护人或者类似的人。他也许是某个律师。这个律师名字的第一个字是不是‘贾’？”

一切疑团的真相就像闪电一样向我扑来；一切的失望、危险、羞耻。各式各样的后果都成群结队地向我冲来；我被这突然的袭击压倒，几乎感到每一次呼吸都困难重重。这时他又继续说道： “就说雇这个由‘贾’起头的律师的这位雇主吧（‘贾’起头的律师就说是贾格斯吧），就说这位雇主飘洋过海来到朴茨茅斯，登陆之后就一心想来看你，而你刚才说‘你已经找到了我’，那么，我是怎么找到你的呢？唔，我从朴茨茅斯写信给伦敦的一个人，他了解你的住址详情。你要知道那个人的名字吗？他就是温米克。”

我这时一句话也说不出来，即使说一句话就能救我的命，我也说不出来。我呆呆地站在那里，一只手扶住椅背，另一只手按在胸脯上，感到透不过气来。我就这么站在那里，像疯人般地望着他，感到房间犹似大海，滔天波浪使我天旋地转，只有紧抓住椅子不放。他过来扶住我，把我扶到沙发上，让我背靠好，他则屈起一条腿跪在我面前，面孔紧紧贴近我的脸。他的面孔是我记得非常清楚的一张面孔，是我一见就会发抖的面孔。

“是的，皮普，亲爱的孩子，我已经把你培养成了一个上流社会的人！是我一手培养了你。我曾经发过誓，我只要赚到一块金币，我就把这块金币用到你身上。后来我又发誓，一旦我时来运转发了财，也就要让你发财。我生活艰苦朴素，但让你享受荣华；我艰苦勤奋地工作，为的是使你脱离劳动的苦海。亲爱的孩子，只要你好，我苦些有什么关系呢？我告诉你不是为求你的感恩，一点也不。我告诉你是让你知道，那条曾经在粪堆上荡来荡去的狗也有今日，他曾经蒙你搭救，如今他昂起了头，还培养了一个上等人。皮普，这培养的上等人就是你啊！”

我对这个人的厌恶，对这个人的恐惧，只想赶忙躲开这个人的反感，即使他是一头凶猛的野兽，也至多不过如此了。

“皮普，听我说，我就是你的第二个父亲，你也就是我的儿子，对我来说，你比我亲生的儿子还更亲。我已经攒下了钱，这些钱都是给你用的。起初我只是被人家雇去放羊，住在一间孤独的小屋子中，什么人的面孔都看不见，只能看到羊的面孔，这使我几乎忘记了男男女女的面孔，但唯独能看到你的面孔。每每在我吃中饭或晚饭时，每每在我放下餐刀时，我便会自动地说：‘瞧这孩子又来了，他正望着我在吃喝呢！’我有多少次看到你啊，就和在那大雾迷漫的沼泽地上见到的你没有两样，每一次我都会走到门外，在一望无际的天空之下，说：‘一旦我获得了人的自由，发了财，我一定把那个孩子造就成一个绅士！要说瞎话，就让天雷劈我！’我果然如愿了。亲爱的孩子，瞧瞧你这样子！看看你住的地方，和贵族住的地方没有两样！贵族有什么了不起？嘿！你有钱可以和贵族比一下，你可以击败他们！”

他滔滔地说着，兴高采烈而且得意洋洋，好在他看得出我几乎要晕倒了，所以并没有怪我没领他的情，这自然也使我松了一口气。

“听我说！”他继续说道。他从我口袋中掏出我的怀表，又转过来看我手指上戴的戒指，而我只有畏缩地后退，仿佛遇到了一条蛇一样。“这是一块金表，一个美丽的东西；我看这够得上一位绅士戴的表。这是一个钻戒，四边镶着红宝石，我看这够得上是一位绅士的钻戒！看你身上穿的亚麻衬衫，质地多好，多漂亮！看你的衣服，再买不到比这更好的了！你还有书，”他用眼睛扫视了一下房间，“在书架上堆得这么高，看来有好几百本吧！你读过这么些书，是吗？我进来的时候，看到你在读书呢。哈，哈，哈！亲爱的孩子，你把书读给我听听啊！即使这些书是用外文写的，我听不懂，但只要我听，我一样会为你骄傲的。”

他又一次把我的双手放到他的嘴唇上，而我身体内流动的血全部变冷了。

“皮普，先不必在意说话。”他说道，并且又用袖子擦了擦他的眼睛和额角，喉咙里又发出那种我记得非常清楚的咯咯声。他讲得越是那么诚心诚意，我心里也就越感到慌里慌张。“你得先把情绪稳定一下，不必干别的。你不像我长期地在盼望这件事的发生；你不像我，你心里还没有任何准备；再说，你根本没有想到培养你的人是我吧？”

“噢，没有，没有，”我答道，“我根本就没有想到。”

“现在你可知道我是谁了吧，就是我一个人，除了我自己和贾格斯先生之外，没有其他人了解真相。”

“真的一个人也没有了吗？”我问道。

“没有，”他惊奇地瞥了我一下，说道，“还会有谁呢？亲爱的孩子，你生得多么英俊！嗯！你看中哪个漂亮眼睛了吗？有没有一个漂亮眼睛被你看中了？”

噢，埃斯苔娜，埃斯苔娜！

“亲爱的孩子，只要能用钱可以换来的，你就可以得到。像你这么一个绅士，又生得如此英俊，再加上有钱做你的后盾，你自会赢得你所需要的。好吧，我再接着刚才讲的说吧，亲爱的孩子。我住在小棚子里给人家放羊，我的东家死了，他的钱便留下了给我，本来他和我是一样出身的人，接着我服刑期满，获得自由，便开始干自己的事。可以说我每干一件事都是为了你。无论我干什么，我都会想到，‘我干事都为他一人，如果我不为他，但愿老天用雷电劈我！’我干的事都一帆风顺。刚才我就告诉过你，我就是这样出了名。东家留给我的钱，加上开始几年我自己赚到的钱，我便都寄回国交给贾格斯先生。他第一次去找你，就是按照我信里所提的要求办的。”

噢，我多么希望当年他没有来找我！我多么希望我一直留在铁匠铺里，虽然得不到满足，可相比之下，倒比现在要幸福得多！

“亲爱的孩子，听我说，只要我在心里暗暗地想起自己正在培养着一位绅士，我就得到了补偿，一切的怨气都消失了。有时我走在路上，那些骑在高头大马身上的移民们气字昂扬地走过，扬起的尘土直冲我的面孔。你知道这时我想什么？我自言自语：‘我正在造就一位你们不能相比的绅士！’他们当中有人对别人说：‘他几年前还是个犯人，现在也是个没有文化的大老粗，不过有了好运气罢了。’你知道我说什么？我自言自语：‘我不是个上流人物，我没有文化，但我却有一个有文化的上流人物。你们有的只是牲畜和田地，可你们中有谁有一个有教养的伦敦绅士呢？’我就是用这样的方式坚持着我的生活。我的心中也是这样存在着一个期望，总有一天我会回去看一看我的孩子，让他知道我才是他的亲人。”

他伸出一只手搁在我的肩膀上。我一想到他这只手说不定染过鲜血，浑身便抖了起来。

“皮普，我离开那个地方是不容易的，不担风险是不行的。不过我是坚持到底，困难愈大，我愈坚强。因为我下定了决心，拿定了主意。最后我终于成功了，亲爱的孩子，我终于成功了！”

虽说我想集中思想，但仍然懵懵懂懂，不知所措。自始至终，与其说我是在倾听他的谈论，不如说我在倾听着风雨交加的声音。直到现在，我还是把他的话音和风雨之声混合在一起，虽然风雨正在大发雷霆，而他的声音早已弦断音绝。

“你准备把我安顿在哪里？”过了片刻他向我问道，“亲爱的孩子，我必须有个地方把自己安顿下来。”

“是睡觉吗？”我说道。

“是啊，要睡一个又足又香的觉，”他答道，“因为我在海上奔波了好几个月，尝够了风吹浪打。”

我从沙发上站起来说道：“我的朋友和同伴正好不在，你就住在他的房中吧。”

“他明天会不会回来呢？”

“不会，”虽然我尽了极大的努力，却仍然只能机械地回答，“明天不会回来。”

“亲爱的孩子，听我说，”他压低了声音，将他的一根长手指抵在我胸口上，带着令人难忘的神情说，“可得小心谨慎啊。”

“小心谨慎？这是什么意思？”

“不小心谨慎就是死！”

“什么死？”

“我是终身流放，要回来就意味着死。近年来逃回来的人太多了，如果我被逮住，我就得上绞架。”

无须多说，这就够了。这位可怜的人多年来用他辛苦铸造起来的金银镣铐把我装饰打扮起来，供给我金钱使用，现在又冒了生命的危险回来看我，把他的一条命交付于我的手上！要是那时我不厌恶他，而是热爱他；要是我不强烈地嫌弃他，想逃避他，而是怀着深情厚谊去赞赏他，敬佩他，和他亲近，那情况就不会那么坏，相反还会好转，因为那样我便会一心一意地、自然而然地关心他的安全。

我当时考虑的第一件事是把百叶窗放下来，使外面看不见房内的灯光，然后把那些门都关好并且拴紧。我在关门时他正坐在桌边饮兑水朗姆酒，吃着饼干。我一看到他的吃相，就想到了当年逃犯在沼泽地上吃东西的情景。在我看来，好像他马上就会低下身子，用锉子去锉腿上的脚镣似的。

我走进赫伯特的卧室，把所有和楼梯相通的门都关好，只开着通向我们刚才谈话的那个房间的门。我问他是不是就准备睡觉，他说就准备睡觉，但请我给他一件我的绅士亚麻衬衫，他准备明天一早起来换上。我便拿出一件给他，并为他放好。这时他又伸出双手，握住我的手，并向我说晚安，所以我的血又一次变得冰冷。

我这才摆脱了他，但不知道自己该怎么办。我先在刚才我们待的那个房中添加了火，然后坐在火炉旁边，不想入睡。我坐在那里有一个多小时，头脑中一片空白，什么东西都想不出。直到最后我才开始想到自己的命运，充分体会到我恶运的开始，我驾驶的人生之舟已撞成了碎片。

所谓郝维仙小姐对我的期望，原来不过是一场梦，她根本就没有把埃斯苔娜许配给我；在沙提斯庄园里我只不过被人当成了可以利用的器具，去刺伤那些贪得无厌的亲戚；在没有人可以当靶子时，我就成为一个活靶子，让人在我这颗没有头脑的心上试一试其本领。所有这些都使我痛苦，但是我最深切的痛苦却是，因为这个逃犯，我竟然抛弃了乔。他究竟犯了什么罪，我一无所知，而他随时都有可能从我这里被逮捕归案，在伦敦中央刑事法院执行绞刑。

现在我再也不能回到乔的身边，再也不能回到毕蒂的身边，即使有千万条理由也都不行。因为我知道我丑恶的心灵所犯下的过错，任何作借口的理由也无法弥补。我从他们那里得到的纯朴和忠诚对我是最大的慰藉，世上再没有别的聪明贤士能比得上他们。可我再想挽回这一损失，却已决不可能，决不可能，决不可能了！

我仿佛听到屋外的阵阵狂风和劈啪雨点之中夹杂着追捕的声音，有两次还真的听到外面有敲门和低低的说话声。我心头堆满了这些恐惧，于是一些想象和追忆都涌向心头，觉得好像出现过一系列的神秘征兆，预言了他的来临。也许是几个星期之前吧，我在街上行走就遇到过不少和他极为相似的人。就在他越过重洋，高英伦海岸越近的时候，和他长得相似的人的数量也就越多。难道是他那邪恶的灵魂把这些信使送到我的身边，最后在这狂风暴雨之夜，果然信守诺言，来到我的身边。

在我脑海之中，这类奇怪的想象一个一个接踵而至、好像我童年时期，他在我幼稚的眼中就是一个不顾死活性格暴烈的人；我曾亲耳听到另一个逃犯在一五一十地数说着他要杀害他的阴谋；我曾亲眼看到他在深深的沟渠中像一头野兽似的和别人扭打战斗着。然后我从这些以往的回忆中又回到了现实，看到火炉的火光之中，仿佛出现了一个极为可怕的影子——在这个狂风暴雨之夜，在这个寂静孤独之夜，在这个夜深人静的时刻，和他住在一起怕是不安全吧。这个可怕的影子渐渐扩大，接着充满了整个房间，使我不得不端起烛台走到里间去查看一下我那可怕的包袱。

他睡在那里，头上扎了一条手帕，面孔显得深沉抑郁。他正沉沉地睡着，静静地睡着，不过在枕旁却放了一把手枪。看到这些我才放心，轻轻地把房门的钥匙取下，插到门外的锁孔中，把他反锁在里面，才又坐回到炉边。我就这样睡去，慢慢地从椅子上滑下，躺在了地板上。在睡梦之中，那些苦痛的事情依然缠住我不放，待我醒来时，东面教堂的钟敲了五响，蜡烛已经燃尽，炉火也早已全熄，屋外的狂风暴雨使得一切更加黑暗了。

皮普远大前程的第二阶段到此结束。